Understood.org defines executive function as “a set of
mental skills that include working memory, flexible thinking, and self-control.
We use these skills every day to learn, work and manage daily life. Trouble
with executive function can make it hard to focus, follow directions, and
handle emotions, among other things.” Some of these skills are not well
developed in people with ADHD, ASD, anxiety, and depression, and substance
abuse, but they are also often a challenge with people who are neurotypical.
Further, because these skills are found in the front of the brain, a part that does
not develop fully until the mid-twenties, children are in a constant state of
developing them. These skills are far easier to exhibit in calm times and can
be taught to be more age appropriate.
Children, especially, have big emotions. They need to feel
them, process them, and deal with them. Being able to do this leads to better
learning, relationships and self-esteem. Adults with poor emotional regulation
often experience challenges at work and home and may have increased negative interactions
with law enforcement.
How do we develop these skills? Here are three strategies to
help people improve their emotional regulation. Remember this is a process,
improvement may be slow and erratic. They involve talking. Do not try to
implement the strategies in times of heightened emotions.
1.
I notice…
Reflect what you notice. ex- I
notice you are breathing hard, not saying much, hunched over, clenching your
jaw, choosing these words ___, looking sad, not answering a question… What’s
going on?
When people talk freely and openly
about their emotions allows them to notice them and try to deal with them.
2.
Temperature check
·
On a scale 1-10 (10 good, 1 bad) what is your
temperature about… (ex self care, the test coming up, how you are getting along
with …)
·
Why? (Use “tell me a bit more” to get them
expand)
·
What would make it one point higher?
Reflective questions help kids articulate
emotions. Be patient and use wait time to allow them to expand on their
thoughts. I like to count during wait time. If you keep talking, others can often
not process. Counting 3 seconds is a minimum, but I like to count to 20. It can
be very uncomfortable at first, but stick with it.
3.
Identify triggers
Triggers are stimuli- either
external or internal, that cause emotional responses.
Common triggers: fatigue, hunger, over
stimulation, frustration, disappointment, anxiety
· Observe and become familiar with situations that
trigger emotional responses. (Use the I notice strategy above.)
o
After the child has calmed down. I noticed that
you got angry when/because…
·
Discuss and label the physical feelings that
come with anger (ie racing heart, red face, pounding in your ears, body tenses,
sweating, …)
·
Recognize trigger and plan ahead.
o
Ex- When you are hungry you get angry more
easily. What can you do to try and stop that cycle?
Resources:
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