Executive function, more than IQ or education, determines how successful a person will be. It is the capacity to get things done effectively, efficiently, and in the presence of others. In school we often talk about a student’s resiliency or ability to persevere when things go badly.
The American
Psychological Association defines resilience as,
“the process and outcome of
successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially
through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and adjustment to
external and internal demands.
A number of factors contribute to how well
people adapt to adversities, including the ways in which individuals view and
engage with the world, the availability and quality of social resources, and
specific coping strategies.
Psychological research demonstrates
that the resources and skills associated with resilience can be cultivated and
practiced.”
Parents and teachers can help build resiliency in youths.
Some things to work on include:
·
Break down big tasks into smaller ones.
This could be anything from an essay in school, to learning to pitch a
baseball, or cleaning a bedroom. Identify components, putting them into writing
or pictures for young children, and note each component when complete. Include
plenty of praise for each step.
·
Model resiliency. When things go wrong,
show children how to handle the problem, get back up and try again.
·
Use positive self-talk and affirmations.
This can be phrases such as, “This is hard, but I can do it,” or “I don’t know
that, yet, and I can learn it,” can be paired with, “It didn’t work this time,
but I can try again” messages.
·
Build connections between learning and dreams.
The Lexile Career Database, shows reading levels needed for jobs. The average
actor needs a reading level of 1130 L (7th grade level) and an
average farm owner 1250L (12th grade level). It is true that there
are options. Wally Amos of Famous Amos Cookies is known for saying that he
could hire people to read for him (he had a significant reading disability),
but in order to get there he struggled long and hard. In order to become a
musician, you must practice. The Beetles spent 2 years playing and practicing
10 hours a day in Hamburg clubs, earning practically nothing, before going back
to Britain and becoming famous. This builds purpose behind the struggle.
·
Establish a hassle-free zone. Parents can
have a no nagging Saturday. A safe zone can be established where children can
have a few minutes to calm and self-regulate before going back to the
frustrating task. (This should be limited by time- for example, you can opt out
for 5 minutes, but then you have to try again/more.) Giving children some
control helps them build the ability to regulate and counter frustration.
·
Adequate sleep, nutrition and exercise.
These things make everything better. Refer to your doctor for recommendations
on what is appropriate for your child.
·
Help others. Put children in positions to
help others. Collect mail for a neighbor who is out of town for a day, read to
a younger child, listen to a younger child read or help practice math facts, or
volunteer at a food bank. Getting your mind off your problems and seeing other
people productively struggle can help build capacity for picking up and trying
again.
·
Put things in perspective. Everyone
struggles at times. Highlight the struggles of people, both in your child’s
life and those of important others. Henry Winkler, Thomas Edison, Milton
Hershey, Walt Disney, Colonel Sanders and Michael Jordan are just a few people
who failed before becoming successful. A failure at a time does not mean a
failure forever.
·
Develop circles of support. Everyone
needs support sometimes. Show your child how others help you and help them
recognize people who can help them. This could be parents, coaches, teachers,
clergy, neighbors, therapists, peers or others.
Help your child build resilience and help them to become
more successful.
Sources
Cathleen Beachboard, https://www.edutopia.org/article/strategies-build-students-resilience (2025)
Ng, R., Ang,
R.P. & Ho, MH.R. Coping with Anxiety, Depression, Anger and Aggression: The
Mediational Role of Resilience in Adolescents. Child Youth Care Forum 41,
529–546 (2012). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10566-012-9182-x https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10566-012-9182-x
Mary K.
Alvord, PhD, Robin Gurwitch, PhD, Jana Martin, PhD, and Ronald S. Palomares,
PhD https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience/bounce-teens
